Extreme Frugality, an entertaining how-to guide

WARNING: These extremely frugal tactics are not for the faint of heart. Don't try these at home, kids.

I had fun imagining all of the extremely frugal things I could do to be frugal if I needed to be. They are quite funny to imagine, but I just couldn't do most of them. BUT, in case you are literally broke and hungry.... or just bored and have questionable morals, here are a couple examples of EXTREME FRUGALITY.

1. Stocking up on the free items they offer at the condiment station:

You'll never have to buy these items again:
-ketchup
-mustard
-straws
-napkins
-creamer
-salt
-pepper
-splenda
-jelly
-mints
-stir sticks
-wet naps
-sweet and sour sauce
-soy sauce
-taco sauce from Taco Bell
-Arby's sauce

(Ok, now visualize someone stopping by your place, and they open your pantry cupboard door for some reason, and instead of cans and bottles, you have bins and bins and bins full of packets. I think its hilarious)

2. Shopping for your school supplies at local businesses that offer logo pens, pads of paper, or whatever else they are offering.

3. Stop in for your daily coffee/lattes at your banks free coffee & cappuccino machine. I mean, they must owe you something after those overdraft charges you handed over to them before you got your finances together.

4. Score a free meal during sample day at the grocery store. Call all of your grocery stores ahead of time to find out when each store has sample day and plan your schedule around it.

5. Heck, even if its not sample day, go to the deli and ask to sample a couple different pasta salads. Tell them you're planning a party and you just aren't sure what you want to serve. Can I try that one on the far left, too? Imagine the possibilities... how many grocery stores are in your city? Hit them all.

6. Lunch didn't quite fill you up? For dessert head over to an ice cream shop and sample a couple ice cream flavors... I mean, they make those tiny spoons because they WANT you to do it.

7. This dessert requires a little planning, but pretend you are planning a wedding, and schedule appointments with different bakeries for cake sampling. These are guaranteed to be delicious desserts. They want your business.

8. Want a healthy breakfast? Go to your local farmers market (with no intention of buying) and sample all of the fresh produce, and fresh cheese. Mmmmmmmmm.

9. Free food right in your backyard. Make a dandelion leaf salad.... make sure there have been no pesticides though!

10. Know your area well? Find a good area to pick berries along a path or roadside.

11. Pull a Vince and Owen and take up wedding crashing. Visit a hotel each Saturday and find banquet halls full of people and join their fun and eat their food. If you're lucky it will be an open bar.

12. And if you are really EXTREME, and you can't afford your nasty habit, smoke the butts of other peoples cigarettes found in the ashtrays found outside of most buildings.

13. And if you are not afraid of breaking the law, send mail by writing your own address in the normal "send to" spot, and put the address of the final destination in the normal "return address" spot. Do not include any postage. This letter will be "returned to sender" which in this case is the intended destination. But really, I think that is called mail fraud.

And that is all I have for now, folks.